S1 E12: Growing Up As A First Gen American, Fitness And Wellness In NYC, Living With Fibroids With Tara Nicolas
In today’s episode I talk to Tara Nicolas, @taraanicolas. Tara is a NYC based actor, Global Nike Trainer, Reiki Master, and Meditation Instructor.
Summary
'On the Outside' S1, hosted by Taylor Rae from January to April, concludes with Tara Nicolas, a DC-born, Haitian-UPENN grad, discussing her diverse career, from Beyonce to Netflix wellness advocacy. She recounts her Togo upbringing, Peace Corps family, and overcoming language and racism challenges. Tara talks about financial literacy, systemic inequalities, and her holistic approach to health, including a non-surgical fibroid treatment. She reflects on societal norms, fertility, and shares light-hearted stories. The season ends with gratitude for Tara's New York interview, a solo reflection teaser, and directs followers to Instagram and the website for more.
Key Moments
Entertainment Industry, Wellness and Fitness, First Generation American, Cultural Identity (00:00:06 - 00:05:37)
Taylor Rae concludes 'On the Outside' season one, having aired 36 episodes, including 12 interviews, family chats, and solo episodes from January to April. The finale features Tara Nicolas, a DC-born artist with Haitian roots, educated at UPENN, and now a Brooklyn resident. Tara's career milestones include performing with Beyonce, acting in 'FBI' and 'Godfather of Harlem', and evolving into a wellness advocate, featured on Netflix and in Health magazine. She shares her early life in Togo, experiences with language barriers and racism in an international school, and her wellness journey. Tara's narrative encompasses her parents' work with the Peace Corps and nonprofits, her adjustment to English from French, and childhood memories contrasting her meals with those of her peers.Dance and Artistic Pursuits, Immigrant Experiences and Cultural Background, Financial Struggles, Career Choices, Wellness and Self-care Practices (00:05:37 - 00:30:15)
Tara discussed balancing her artistic and wellness life, feeling like an outsider, and the importance of financial literacy. She shared insights as a Reiki Master, emphasizing the Eastern belief in vital energy and the role of a mentor in creating a healing space. Tara's narrative included reflections on systemic inequalities, as highlighted by the Global Social Mobility Index, and the financial burden of the SAG-AFTRA entrance fee, illustrating the challenges of navigating creative professions, wellness practices, and the complexities of financial and health-related decisions.Community Group, Fibroids, Fertility (00:30:15 - 00:42:15)
Tara's Tea Time with Tee was inspired by a friend, aiming to connect those feeling isolated. She shared humorous anecdotes about cursing, drinking abroad, and creating mixed drinks, including the nutcracker. Tara's fibroid treatment journey, involves a non-surgical approach, facing discouraging family planning advice from doctors. She expressed emotional challenges, including mourning and anger, emphasizing self-love and body trust. Tara highlighted the significance of discussing black women's fertility, referencing Abby Phillips' CNN special, and pondered societal norms around marriage and childbearing, reflecting on her upbringing and personal beliefs.Tara, Interview, Season finale, Gratitude (00:42:15 - 00:43:59)
Gratitude is shown to Tara for her final interview in New York, concluding the season and highlighting her joyous impact and classes. A solo reflection episode is teased, with a nod to a wedding mention. Followers are directed to Tara's Instagram and the host's website for a full episode transcription and citations.
Transcription
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Hello and welcome back to another episode of “On the Outside”. Hello. Hello, welcome back. It's me, your host Taylor Rae. And we have another amazing episode of on the outside today. Friends. I cannot believe it. But this is our final interview of season one. I've had 12 incredible guests. I've also done 12 family chats and 12 solo episodes.
I cannot believe it. 36 episodes from January to April. And it has been such an amazing experience before we get into my conversation today with Tara Nicholas. I really just want to thank you for being here for supporting this passion project, everything from conception to production, editing guest, you know, finding my guests and social and everything in between.
I've been doing on my own for this first season because I really just wanted to make sure that it was exactly what I envisioned and it has been that and so much more. So. Thank you for being here. And with that being said, let's get into our 12th and final interview of season one in today's episode. I talked to Tara Nicholas. Tara A Nicholas is a Washington DC native with Haitian roots who now calls Brooklyn New York home.
Her journey into the arts commenced at the age of three in Togo and has maintained its momentum ever since. After achieving a B A from UPENN, she pursued her passions to the vibrant city streets of New York City, recognizable from commercial stage performances alongside Beyonce and appearances in episodes of FBI and Godfather of Harlem.
Tara has become a familiar face in the entertainment industry beyond the spotlight. Tara has delved into the world of wellness. Her unexpected path toward enduring health has propelled her into roles such as global Nike trainer, Reiki master and meditation instructor. Tara's programming can be found on platforms such as Nike Training Club, Netflix, Good Morning America Blatty.
Well, and Good Health magazine, self magazine Cheddar News and more in this episode, we talk about growing up as a first generation American life as performers in New York. Tara's journey with Reiki Wellness and fitness and her experiences with fibroids and so much more. Let's get into it by hearing about a time when Tara felt like she was an outsider.
Tara Nicolas
On the one hand, it feels like so many things I could say. And on the other hand, like, I don't know, like, do I have anything that really feels still relevant to me is almost the thing. But one of the first experiences of being an outsider are right after I was born, my parents moved to West Africa. So even though I'm I'm born in the States. But both parents, both parents are from Haiti grew up there and moved to the States in their twenties. When I was born in DC, we immediately moved to Togo, lived there for four years. French was my first language. my dad was working for the Peace Corps at the time and my mom, was like, working in other nonprofit arenas. And when we moved back, my mom was smart and was like, I'll put her in international school. She'll learn English as we go. But I legit started school even though it was international with kids from all over the world, most of them already spoke English and I did not.
So I'm like figuring out like when we're not in class because all our classes were in French. But when we're talking to each other, the kids are speaking in English and I'm over here guessing, guessing and context clues and, you know, I'm coming to school with my rice and beans and my chicken and the little thing and these kids are coming to school with peanut butter jelly.
And I'm like, I want that not realizing like my mama loves me and made this really loving meal for me. And I'm over here complaining that it's not like Chef Boyardee or PB and J or lunchables, you know, so that was my earliest memory of like outsider. And and actually even as I, you know, you knew this would happen as like as you start talking, you remember other things and then when we were in West Africa, it was confusing to me being around being around like kids at times that were darker than me, at times that were lighter than me. And I think from a young age already being exposed to like kind of that sub subversive type of racism where you, you see like the white, the blue eyes valued and my dad has blue eyes. So I would start to think like, is there something wrong with me? Because I don't and just kind of getting that exposure and immediately having my parents have to figure out how to communicate like you're beautiful and you're wonderful as you are, you know, and getting that pride in who I am while still having those little girl moments of hurt because you don't fit in. You're different from the other kids.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Let's get into our conversation.
Tara Nicolas
All right. So my name is Tara Anika Nicholas. I'm first generation Haitian American. I grew up mostly in DC. I'm currently living in Brooklyn. I basically came out of the womb, a dancer, like contortionist vibes when I was little, just kind of leaning in my parents always find me in some strange position and then I'd like recruit them, like help me get my leg here over there.
And and my mom put me in like ballet classes early because it's all like that's how she grew up. It was like she danced for a little while when she was young. And so I got exposed to a lot of just like that artistic creative world, really young. My international school focused a lot on the arts and on instruments and music and just exposing us young.
So I got to sing and dance and act and, and play the clarinet and the recorder and like, dabble in the, you know, guitar, like all these, like, you just, I got exposed to so much so young and I'm always so grateful for that. And then fast forward because I was like, I got distracted and like, how fun that was. when I ended up going, like I said, I studied abroad in different countries.
And then when I went to Penn, it was one of those things where I was like, I haven't quite decided yet if I want to be like full, like good Haitian girl and like, you know, do something normal or if I'm going to pursue the dream that it's been like, calling my name for a while. So I went to Penn and I was like, all right, you know, international relations.
I'm gonna like, maybe like, do like some kind of business minor situation. Like I'm gonna figure this out and pretty quickly I was like, I'm gonna suffocate if I don't figure something else out. So I was dancing professionally on the side while at Penn found a dance group as well to like, keep me sane. And by the end, I was like communications major, Latin American studies minor and French Spanish Portuguese like concentrations.
I was like, let's go, I'm gonna do something I can like survive. So when I graduated, I moved to New York and just was just really like, I can't say I believed in myself. I will say I had a calling and it like, shoved me forward because I think if I could have done anything else, I would have because I was scared shitless. It was the first time that I kind of went against the grain of my family. Always a really great student. Always really felt like I was a hard worker and that was like a source
of pride. I work hard and can't nobody outwork me, you know, and then it's like you move to New York and like, it doesn't matter and not enough still. you know, like waitressing bottle service, anything gig, gig, gig girl in the beginning before I had established. Were you a bottle girl? It's terrifying. I don't even want to remember that part of my life. It's like these small lounges that don't exist anymore. The ones does any of them still exist? No, none of them exist.
I was a club promoter in college.
Tara Nicolas
So I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm telling you that part of my life, even though it was short lived before I was able to fully sustain myself freelancing, it was, it has left a mark on me because the number of times I've referenced that time because it's like no sleep just running around ragged. But then fast forward to when I'm like bridging the gap with doing all the wellness.
I got into fitness really organically because I needed to understand more about my body and taking care of myself and got into meditation and Reiki and all of that because it, I needed it to be well. And at a certain point, I was like, this is silly. I don't need to do this on the side. I can fully bring this into my life. And for a long time, I just didn't understand how my artistic life and the wellness life were supposed to coexist until I realized like, duh you as a human need these
things to survive. So let them fit in in that way. And I think again, education cultural background, I just could not accept that these things can coexist. I felt like it's one or the other and I don't wanna be like, you know, Jack of all trades, master of none kind of thing. Like I don't wanna just get lost and having like a bunch of like sort of kind of skills.
So that I will say is still a thing of like me never feeling knowledgeable enough in any of the arenas I'm in. And on the one hand, there's something really powerful about that where it keeps me hungry, keeps me like always wanting to learn. And then there's a part that we know can be just toxic and suffocating.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I love the point Tara made about the experiences we have as outsiders, how so many of them seem to stem from our childhoods and what remains relevant as we get older and have new experiences.
I love the point that you started with saying wondering if some of these stories even still feel relevant to you because so much of our childhood impacts us for the rest of our life in ways that feel really different than other times in our life. Like my, I don't know, like late twenties obviously impacted me, but I'm like, why am I still thinking about that time when I was 15, like way more often than the time that happened two years ago, you know, or that time when I was six or whatever.
But I totally, I never really thought about it in that way before, but I totally resonate with some of those things that really made me feel like I didn't fit in or like I wasn't included for me. It was my socio-economic status as a kid wanting to live in a two story house with like the shutters that are not real shutters, they're just like glued to the side of the house and a backyard. I wanted, those are not real shutters. Ok. You're fooling no one. I'll tell you that right now.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
And, I wanted grass. I wanted a pool and I didn't have those things and that impacted me for so long. I was in so much credit card debt when I was in college because I was like, I need to keep up with everyone else. And I was like, now I'm on my own and I'm determined to do that even though I definitely couldn't afford it and they probably had, or I know that they had support from their parents in ways that I didn't.
Tara Nicolas
And so, and that like, financial literacy that we don't grow up with and even when we go to school, they don't really teach it unless you go to business school.
And even then it's for other, not necessarily for, for yourself so true.
And so it's like, yes, that was something that I experienced as a child. Yes, it did impact me as an adult. But like today, I don't necessarily have those same issues on a day to day. But I do know, I still feel like very easily triggered when it comes to money if you know, my husband tells me, oh, we can't afford that right now.
I immediately am like, oh my God, what does that mean? Are we ok? That's what I used to. That's how I used to word it to my parents, are we ok? And you know, so in some ways, I do think that those things that happened a long time ago, even if you don't necessarily still face them.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Now, I do think a lot of them do still affect us.
Tara Nicolas, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I asked Tara about an experience when she absolutely did not feel like an outsider, but rather felt truly included when I studied abroad in Brazil in Bahia specifically was the first time I blended in, in the most positive, loving freeing way.
Tara Nicolas
I have never in my life, felt so good and visible like I just was, I could just be and it was, I didn't fully grasp what that was doing for my nervous system until I saw, you know, this is weird to say it's not like I wish them any harm by any means. But some of the white kids would get into some situations because part of it was how they were comporting themselves.
But the other part was like they stuck out in Bahia. It's black is black in Bahia. And these blue eyed blonde haired kids who didn't research and thought it was the same as Rio were real shook, you know, and I'm walking around and my host mom had given me clothes that were hers. So I fully I spoke really good Portuguese at the time. Now I'm feeling hella rusty and it was interesting and people were so much of your training when you're doing these kind of programs.
It's like, oh get ready for culture shock. My culture shock was when I got back to the States and having like go back to Penn and kind of like, I'm back to standing out and sometimes ways that feel really scary or like fast forward to moving to New York and being in this like, you know, creative realm and I, I am often the only black woman in a space and then when I go to the black girl call, I look so ambiguous.
I don't, I look like the black girl or the other that crashed the black girl call, you know, so and you don't learn, I did not get that message that standing out the way I did and often feeling like an outsider is a strength. You just have to kind of find what actually feels authentic to you. And I think that authenticity is, is, is, is what I was and freedom is what I was very much seeking.
I think in following my passion and my dreams and in the creative spaces was and then ending up in the holistic world was so much about I just need to like find my way. But as an immigrant daughter, first gen immigrant, you are not taught to find your way. You're taught like please pick the safe things that are guaranteed.
Tara Nicolas, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
We didn't come here for you to wing it as a first gen daughter as well.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I relate to a lot of what Tara has experienced. The American dream. The idea that anyone and everyone should be able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps is a story. Immigrant families return to time and time again. However, for many Americans, the reality often falls short of this ideal for several reasons including systemic inequalities, historic oppression, like slavery and colonization, income inequality, health care, disparities, environmental justice, and disproportionate effects of the criminal justice system. Upward mobility in the United States is becoming significantly less possible. In fact, the United States ranked 27th in the world in the 2020 Global Social mobility index. The index measures social mobility through five determinants including health education, technology, work and protection and institutions. The GM SI focuses on policies, practices and institutions that determine whether everyone has a
fair chance to fulfill their potential. In short, a very depressing piece of information that I've heard actually many times in my classes at Columbia this semester is that it's unlikely for Children who are from low income families to ever make significantly more than their parents. And the likeliness declines as they age making the American dream happen is tough and for many, it's nearly impossible.
Tara Nicolas
This is the American dream is for your kids to go on their own journey and figure it out. And then the other part of them is like, but we don't have the means to, to catch you financially if you fall on your face. Like emotionally we got you, you can always move back home. But financially there's really nothing we can do.
I feel that my parents, I mean, I'm first gen two. My dad was born in DR my mom was born in Puerto Rico. They came here when they were pretty young though. You said your parents came when they were in their twenties?
Tara Nicolas
I think my dad came here when he was in teens. But my mom came in her mid twenties.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
My parents both came when they were really young. Like my mom before she was even in school, my dad when he was in second or third grade, pretty young. but they, they always kind of understood that I didn't want a traditional path and they were super hyped for me when I got into NYU. That was the only school I applied to. And I was like, I have to be an actor.
I have to go to NYU. This is it. I grew up here. I grew up in New Jersey and I've talked about that way too much on the show. These girls are like, we do not want to hear about it, Taylor, but I grew up in New Jersey. But they were very much like, oh, you want to do like a bunch of weird stuff. We love it. Like, love that. Like they even now like pivoting jobs being like, I'm a boxer now.
They're like love it. Like, I'm going to grad school. They're like, amazing. Like, they were good with me doing kind of whatever. But I fully resonate with, you know, emotionally we got you. But like, financially you can come move home. That's kind of the best, that's kind of the best that we can offer you. But we, we can't really offer you, like, just doing it for free.
Tara Nicolas
I don't know what your experience was like as you started to like be in your professional season of your life or, you know, chapter of your life. But I also found that that scarcity mindset in me was strong like that feast or famine and in all realms, like whether it's in the wellness part of my life or whether it's in like the performance, you know, entertainment part of my life, like it's really been feast or famine.
And I was just having this conversation earlier where someone was like, oh my God, you know, when you get to rest and I realized like, I do love being busy. This is good, busy. This doesn't feel toxic. It doesn't feel like too much and your girl needs a break. And when do you take a break where every five seconds it's like some world catastrophe or strike or a contract goes a little awry.
Tara Nicolas, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
You know, like you just, you just kind of got to go with it and then believe in yourself enough that, you know, you got you in a recent study, more than 50% of women reported having experienced imposter syndrome while only 24% of men did.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
In addition, Black and Latina women are more likely to experience imposter syndrome and professional and academic settings. Mainly because they do not often see themselves represented in leadership roles within those spaces. I shared my experience with imposter syndrome with Tara, which is something that I really struggled with, especially as I started my career in fitness. As someone that did not grow up feeling fit or athletic, I heard a very inspirational quote and I
honestly don't even know who said it. I heard it on a podcast a few years ago and it really shifted my way of thinking and what this person said was I would be out of my mind to have imposter syndrome because I was there through all of the hard work and struggle and effort that got me to where I am and who I am. And today that's really the energy that I try to lead with. I tried to push away the consideration of even having imposter syndrome and really focus on what I've done and who I am.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
But I can't say by any means that I truly always feel like that or that I've always felt like that in the past when I started doing fitness, I was the most imposter syndrome that I've ever felt in my life because I was not athletic growing up like you were a dancer.
Tara Nicolas
So I think, and you know, definitely let me know how it felt for you, but you at least moved your body connected to your body. That was like part of your everyday practice. You said you were like doing it since you were a kid. I was a strong mover as a musical theater performer. But I was not, if anything, I was very disappointed in my body that I was not a better dancer.
I was, oh man, that made me kind of emotional. But I was, I was always very disappointed in my body that I wasn't better that I couldn't kick higher. I wasn't flexible enough. I would stretch every day and I still couldn't do what my classmates could do. And I it just felt like I wasn't really giving it that much attention because when I did, I felt disappointed. And so when I started into fitness, it was, I didn't necessarily feel connected to the body part. I felt connected to the
performance part. Like especially teaching at a studio where you got on stage, put on your headset, get in the DJ booth, like speak on the mic, like play your music like that a little bit of showmanship. Like I was like, oh, I'm performing like, yes, like I could do this all day.
And that's what really drew me in. So I was always getting a new certification, finding a way to take another class, get another, you know, something so that I could feel like I belonged or that I deserved to be there.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Tara has also had experience in the fitness industry and so much more she talked about her experiences as a Reiki Master Reiki therapy is based on an Eastern belief that vital energy flows through your body. It uses gentle touch to promote relaxation and reduce stress and anxiety.
The word Reiki comes from the Japanese words rei meaning universal and key, meaning life energy. Reiki practitioners called Reiki masters use their hands to guide energy in a way that leads to balance and healing.
Tara Nicolas
When I first started doing Reiki, my mentor is like such a powerful healer and she's intuitive in a way where she can really pinpoint exactly what's happening in your body and tell you like all kinds of things about yourself. And I was like, I don't have that gift. I feel like I'm useless in this realm. And she was like, what do you think healing is like?
It's not about you? Like it's about the person and it's about like creating that healing space for the person to find it on their own. Like you're not doing per se, you are helping them like reminding them of what is already and to like get back to that place that own like wisdom and power and, and freedom to get there to find their entry point to healing and that's what I think Reiki has brought me not, I think like that is what the Reiki world has brought me is, is wanting so badly to like
fix because that's what makes me feel valuable and it's just not about that whatever they experience or don't, it's them getting there. Like how powerful is that? Like you sure, like my importance is my ability to create that space and, and, and have all the different variables that help them heal. But it's, it's not me doing it to them.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Uterine fibroids are growths made of muscle and tissue that form in or on the walls of your uterus. These growths are usually benign and the most common are non cancerous tumors in women or a fab individuals, people assigned female at birth, fibroids can cause a variety of symptoms. But some of the most common are pain and heavy irregular vaginal bleeding. Sometimes a person has no symptoms and is virtually unaware that they even have fibroids.
Tara Nicolas
My journey of finding out about my fibroids and how infuriating it was for me to find out about them at the time, at a time where it's the most kind of wellness rituals I have ever done in my life prior to finding out like I was like, this is the best I've taken care of myself. Like how dare you like and like, how did I not know? Like it felt very like one day I was meditating and I felt like a little p and I went to touch and I felt like a little lump.
So first I just was expecting like really scary stuff but then, then to find out what's going on and to be like, no, like the shame, the, the frustration I was like, I must have done something to cause this while Tara goes on to share more about her experience having fried words.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Later, the conversation brought us back to something we were discussing before we even started recording around feeling like an outsider.
Tara Nicolas
I, I can't help but think about the ways that I in seasons of my life have made myself an outsider to myself. Like I won't even like be in me fully because the nature of the work I'm doing puts me in a place where I need to constantly get validation, like go outside of myself. So I feel like I had kind of completed that chapter of my life and then the fibroids brought it all back up because I need these practitioners or doctors or whoever to fix me or tell me the exact correct, perfect
guaranteed way of getting these things to go away. And I think the way that in, in my case, any kind of movement or breathwork or healing work helps me bring me back into me. And this like on the one hand, it can seem abstract. But I think on the other hand, it's like just time with self to get to know myself, and get to know how I'm actually doing and how I'm actually feeling even something as simple as like being on set once, this summer.
And I think the part of me that wants to be like a team player and do a really great job and just be able to handle everything no matter what, the ridiculous circumstances, I finally spoke up because it got so ridiculous. And I was like, hey, I'm gonna just need like a bigger size here and I can't wear that. Like I just, I found my voice not from a place of feeling like I had finally like healed all the parts of me that I think can be difficult or this or that.
But I suddenly was like, in a very logical way for me to be my best self. Here's what I need and none of them were unreasonable and they were able to be fulfilled. No problem.
Tara Nicolas, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I asked Tara what she does to care for her body while she has fibroids right now.
Tara Nicolas
I'm on a pretty restricted diet all to support them healing and like kind of resolving themselves. And it's, it's fascinating to see how uncomfortable I am with speaking up about what I need because I feel like it's the all my immigrant stuff is coming up. Like I feel like I'm inconveniencing or I feel like, you know, the scarcity mindset, like I have never grown up hungry.
I've never had that experience, but some part of me thinks still in that like frame of mind, like when we'd go back to Haiti to visit my great aunt, whatever food she put on the table is like, what I'm eating, I'm not asking for something else, you know, and it's not that they had like no access to food. It was just like, not OK as the American to go over to your aunt's house and be like complaining.
So to bring it full circle, it's sometimes I'm fascinated to see the way that I will kind of come out of my body because I think that that is better for the environment or that's what's needed for the job or the, the moment and to see the way that finding out about my fibroids and going into this journey that mostly pisses me off.
But I'm gradually getting to a place of like appreciation for the learning and for the kind of the way that I'm deepening my relationship to myself and learning about myself in a way that I think I wouldn't have challenged myself to do because it just kind of, it's like, it's fine. I can make it work. I can make anything work.
Tara Nicolas, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Tara shared a story about having to join the union as a young actor.
Tara Nicolas
I get my first big TV job. It's the black list. It's a beautiful feature. I work so hard. I'm so hyped. And then my agent calls me and he's like, so you're gonna need to pay the, what is it called? The entrance fee, whatever. For S A and I was like, how much was it at the time? $3000 with a $1500 mandatory down payment? And they'll put you on a payment plan.
But quote, payment plan is still like, it has to all be paid within a couple of months and the job only paid $900. So I absolutely did not make money. And the only way to put down that payment was to put down my rent. So I also did not pay my rent that month like things got crazy real quick because I wasn't not doing the job. Yeah. So it was like a Hail Mary like somebody somewhere go and get me another gig to pay for these bills.
And between that or like my mom will like send me a little something for food. And I think in that regard, I actually got better and better at being able to just be honest with my girlfriends and be like, hey, I do want to hang, but I can't. And it was a village. We took care of each other and like sometimes it'd be like, it's all right. I'll treat you, you know, and you just chill or come over, I'll cook.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Tara opened up about an experience with a friend that led her to starting her community group, tea time with tea.
Tara Nicolas
The whole reason why I started tea time with tea, which is the community event that I do is because one of my friends from the same tribe of women who held each other down, died by suicide. And granted it was a pandemic. It was, we were all scattered. You know, she didn't live, she had an apartment in Brooklyn, but ended up letting it go and going back to Atlanta.
And it was just the first time that someone from our inner circle had a, it was a tragic turn of events for someone who as far as I know was accomplishing achieving like doing the damn thing in all of the ways we've always wanted in a healthy relationship. Seemingly it was a new relationship, like not beholden to this stupid New York rant, like gigging, like wrote a book, like everything we thought was important to her was being accomplished and then something shifted.
But at a time that we all, we all, we weren't talking on the phone or seeing each other. And, you know, New York, like with that cadence is we never saw each other all the time. But there was this just natural, like see each other here and there kind of energy and it broke my heart and like, scared the crap out of me because also this whole group, like we're artists like we get sad sometimes as we just get sad like, and to not know what was that extra shift that took it to that other place.
And and that's why I created these community events that feel necessary for anyone who maybe feels isolated to the point of like, I need to talk about this, but I don't know how and I feel like I'm too deep down the rabbit hole to talk and I don't want to burden anybody. And so, you know, those events are about just getting together, having conversation, their therapists there if people need support, but it's really
just we're each experts in something and to just share our experience and if we have questions or need support with a specific moment or event we can ask for, for that help.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Before closing out our conversation, I shared a lot of laughs with Tara on the final interview of the season and I had to keep those in for you guys.
Heck yeah, I can do this. I can curse on this podcast as hell. Yeah.
Tara Nicolas
Hell yeah. I meant to ask you that before.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Oops, when my mom was here, I was like, heck yeah, I'm like, oh, I do and I will curse in front of my mom sometimes.
Tara Nicolas
But I like can't stutter that makes me trat because we raised, right?
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I don't know. I'm like mom, no. When my parents came to visit me, I studied abroad in London. I was 20 we went out to dinner and my dad was like, you're not drinking, you can't drink. And I was like, correct.
You are correct.
Tara Nicolas
However, in London, please let me have a apple juice.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I'm not arguing with my dad about drinking in this foreign country. Like, what does this man know? I was like the drinking age, there was 18.
Tara Nicolas
I know. What do you mean, sir? Well, I think that's the one thing for how conservative and like at the time I thought it was suffocating and now I'm like, I'm surprised y'all let me out of the house the way this world is a hot mess. But I, I that's the one thing my parents were always so chill about like I was allowed to drink young like it was like a part of not like all day, every day but like when we would have like family gatherings, if there was like a little wine, they'd give me a little
drop and fill it with water. So I at least got to like, you know, like this is nice beverage. Yeah, like, oh you know, it was ever enough for me to get, but it was enough for me to have the flavor and kind of get to know what that is. And so I remember like junior senior year of high school when these kids were drinking moonshine and fret and things I'm like, do you not love yourself?
Tara Nicolas
Like I didn't understand we used to drink we used to take a water bottle and fill it with a tiny bit of every alcohol.
Tara Nicolas
Absolutely.
Tara Nicolas
Your own Long Island that was in my friend's mom's bar and then we would just mix that with some WW, if you know wwiww with some WWA fruit punch.
Tara Nicolas
WW. Got me through college.
Y'all. Did you hear the beverage that I just described? Like, what is that?
Tara Nicolas
It was a nutcracker is, that's what it's called. No, honey. You've been in New York this long but you don't know a nutcracker. Maybe it's just too Brooklyn. No. Nutcracker. Nutcracker. Nutcracker. Come get your nutcracker. No, it's basically jungle juice that gets sold on the train. Y'all like the train out of a strange bag. You don't really know what's in it and you cannot taste cracker on the train and then it's now evolved.
So like the OG nutcracker seller man, he'd be on the beach. He, now it's like, now you have other people selling nutcrackers and now if you go to the West Indian Day parade, they'll be in these nice satchels, you know, so you can just pop a straw in and just be like real cute. I've never had one admittedly because by then I already knew mystery alcohol.
Tara Nicolas, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Like, no, I don't do well with such things, but I always loved the existence of the nutcracker man as someone who doesn't know too much about fibroids, aside from some basic information, I asked Tara what her goal is as she undergoes treatment and guidance on managing and healing her fibroids and what potential outcomes she may expect.
Tara Nicolas
It's super strange that there just isn't any real research on fibroids and what to do. The main thing is that, candidly, I wanna, I went to the doctors and was like, all right, I'm engaged. We're gonna get married soon. Ish. And even though I, at this point my parents, like, do not care if I get pregnant before marriage. Like, for some reason, it's the only part of my programming that like, really, like, I'm fully indoctrinated.
Like I don't want to get pregnant before marriage, but slowly but surely I'm like, it don't matter, you know, at least I'm with him with him, you know, he's not like a Rando. But so I went to my Gyno for my checkup and I've been working with him with with knowing I have fibroids and with knowing friends who have gone through really terrible situations, specifically black women in their fertility journey.
And I went to him like, hey, I don't want to be blindsided. I'm here because I kind of want to check what's all going on and like, you know, and make sure that we're doing everything we need to do. So that when I'm ready, you don't hit me with no BS. And then what did he do? The second I said I want to start talking about family planning because I'm ready.
He said, no, I don't think you should. And I was like, I don't think you should want to talk about it. No, I don't think you should even start trying to get pregnant because of your fibroids. And I was like, but we've known each other for a year now. And literally, that's what I came to you for is to not have this situation come up. So that kind of sent me spiraling and this is a longer story that I'm still processing.
So I don't really feel like getting into all the nitty gritty, but where I'm at now and again, the blessing that where I'm at now is getting connected with a woman named Coach Jessie that lives and breathes all things fibroids because she had a horrible experience. And so that is her focus. So I'm doing a cleanse and following a regimen that her and different doctors, surgeons have all kind of agreed upon is like, makes sense and seeing if I can make a difference without surgery.
But if I do need surgery to kind of at least prepare my body and be in a better place with recovery and moving forward because I have just, and I think I'm still figuring out because as far as fibroid and I think you were alluding to this question before as far as how terrible it can be for women, like I'm fine, you know, like most women every time they get their period, they're fainting, they're severely anemic.
Like this is worst case scenario, right? Like you can be like suffocating an ovary. It can get really terrible, like, have you like pee yourself because it's just too much pressure or you have like constipation like the list goes on and on. and where I'm at is I don't have the extreme symptoms, but this doctor really scared the crap out of me as because he then proceeded to explain like all the worst case scenario, things that can happen if I got pregnant with the fibroids as they are.
So it, it really freaked me out and a part of me was like, and then that's why I was saying it really triggered me to go back to like being outside of myself and not loving this home, which is my body that makes a lot of sense. And I feel like I'd spent so much time since first finding out about my fibroids with cultivating this home again and cultivating this trust and this safe space again and it kind of flipped it all upside down.
So I found myself mourning weirdly, not knowing what I was mourning. I think mourning an idea I had I also felt a lot of rage like as I started these cleanses, a lot of like anger started to come out a lot of and it because it was like tears, but it was like angry tears and, and then of course, then my body is going through its own purging, cramping, like my joints feel weird sometimes because things are shifting.
and letting myself go through that process instead of obsessively needing to fix myself. because the goal, yes, we want these fibroids to go. But really the goal is to get to a place where I feel healthy and happy, getting pregnant, you know, and to, because I'm still a little bit in that paradigm of like, fix it.
Like it's good or it's bad, it's gone or it's here, it's success or it's failure and figuring out what it is to, like, love the different seasons of me, especially like, what a blessing. This is not life threatening and to keep that in perspective without gaslighting myself.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Yeah. Finally, as all good things do our conversation had to come to a close.
Tara Nicolas
I think it's important to hear the stories of the women in our tribe, right? And really hear what all happened and the warnings and the learnings that they have. And then today was the first time that I was like, I'm not convinced that talking to these doctors is helpful. Yeah. Like we got pregnant. Like it was just the first time that I was like, then what?
You know, but they've incepted my mind with horrible things. And I've seen our fellow black women and I don't know if you saw it, but Abby Phillips on CNN did this beautiful special Sunday night and it's all about black women in fertility really powerful. I highly recommend not because there was an abundant amount of learning to take away, but to see that story told, right? I think that's the learning and to see yourself and it had like more positive kind of in the middle and more
negative stories. Like all of them being important to tell and the kind of of the importance of midwives and access to that and home births and the pros and cons and like, and I love that these are also women that happen to be a lot of the women featured. Some of them are like our age. So you also don't feel like it's out of touch with what a lot of women are dealing with right now or something so far away.
I still can't believe I'm at the age to have a child.
Tara Nicolas
I'm like, what isn't that even our moms were so young?
Tara Nicolas
My mom was in her early twenties and was already married.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman, Tara Nicolas
It's not, you know, like it's, you're like she was married.
Tara Nicolas
Yeah. And it wasn't before she was married guys. I know release me because I don't have this opinion of any other woman. I love it. It's so self inflicted and at this point, my parents do not care. So Tara, where is it from? And can you release it? And it's like, yes, I can, I'm in the process you can, you're in the process. I'm already in the process happening right now. Surrender that at my wedding.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman, Tara Nicolas
I might have a little belly pooch, gorgeous, 10 out of 10
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Friends. Can you believe it? Season one is done? I know. I honestly can't believe it. Of course, I'm so grateful for Tara for closing out an incredible season with this final interview with me. She's honestly the best. Absolutely. Go check out her classes. She is just honestly a bright light of joy and I'm so grateful that she shared her story and laughs with me and I just had such a great time and it was so much fun getting to record this episode live with her in New York.
I am so grateful that you've been here with me for our first season on the outside. We only have one more episode left in the season. It's going to be a solo episode where I just reflect back. So I'm not going to get too sappy on y'all. Now, I'm gonna save it for that one. You can follow Tara at Tara a Nicholas on Instagram.
As always a full transcription of the episode along with citations can be found on my website and all of those links are available in the show notes. Thank you for being here. I see you and I'm with you. See you out there.
References
Davis, Darreonna . 2021. “Why Black and Latinx Women Are More Likely to Struggle with Impostor Syndrome—and How to Overcome It.” CNBC, August 4, 2021. https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/04/why-black-and-latinx-women-struggle-more-with-impostor-syndrome.html.
Quart, Alissa. 2023. “Bootstrapping Has Always Been a Myth. The New American Dream Proves It.” Time. March 10, 2023. https://time.com/6261476/bootstrapping-myth-new-american-dream/.
Starkman, Evan. 2021. “What Is Reiki?” WebMD. August 24, 2021. https://www.webmd.com/pain-management/reiki-overview.
“Stuck on the Ladder: Wealth Mobility Is Low and Decreases with Age.” n.d. Brookings. Accessed April 8, 2024. https://www.brookings.edu/articles/stuck-on-the-ladder-wealth-mobility-is-low-and-decreases-with-age.
“Uterine Fibroids: Symptoms & Treatment.” n.d. Cleveland Clinic. Accessed April 8, 2024. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9130-uterine-fibroids#overview.
