Bystander Intervention

Hi Friends!
Welcome to Issue 49 of this newsletter. This week’s topic is Bystander Intervention. An engaged bystander is someone who lives up to that responsibility by intervening before, during, or after a situation when they see or hear behaviors that threaten, harass, or otherwise encourage violence. Bystander Intervention is a social science model that predicts the likelihood of individuals (or groups) willing to actively address a situation they deem problematic. I remember my parents telling me about the Kitty Genovese Case, where a woman was attacked and killed on the street in Queens and 37 people saw it happen, but no one helped her. As a child, my parents always encouraged me to step up and say something. I live my life operating from a place of, “If I don’t say something, who will?” Bystander Intervention does not mean jeopardizing your wellbeing or confronting violence with violence. Let’s get into it!

Key Terms

Bystander: A bystander is anyone who observes a situation. We all observe numerous incidents and interactions daily, but usually do not acknowledge the situation as needing our response. An active bystander is someone who acknowledges a problematic situation and chooses how to respond.

Bystander Intervention: Bystander Intervention is a social science model that predicts the likelihood of individuals (or groups) willing to actively address a situation they deem problematic.

The Bystander Effect: The Bystander effect is a phenomenon in which people are less likely to help someone in an emergency due to the presence of the people (bystanders) around them. The phenomenon of the bystander effect was first explained by two psychologists named John Darley and Bibb Latané in 1968. Darley and Latané proposed that with the increase in the number of people around the person in the emergency, the people become less likely to help the one in need.

The Virtual Bystander Effect: With the rise in the impact of social media on people’s lives, the influence of the bystander effect has also evolved on the digital platform. The social media platforms allow us to get aware of the injustice happening in the nearby or the faraway places. The impact of the bystander effect on social platforms is even more than the real world as one can not see that how other people are physically reacting to the given situation. Examples include the 2017 sexual assault of a teenage girl by a group of five men was Live broadcast on Facebook and a Facebook Live broadcast of a man with a mental disability being tortured by a group of people. In both cases no one alerted the authorities.

Let’s Get Into It

Before diving into how to be a better bystander and what steps to take to safely intervene, we first must understand the Bystander Effect and the overall concept that—odds are— you probably won’t help someone in need if you think it’s someone else’s responsibility to do so. While it’s not always safe to personally intervene, it’s always possible to alert the proper authorities, take to social media to amplify a message, or seek help in some other manner.

The Bystander Effect

• The Bystander Effect does not only affect everyday people. One example is an incident of a 53-year-old resident of Alameda, California named Raymond Zack. Raymond went into the water and when his foster mother called authorities, alerting them that Raymond might be trying to harm himself, both police and fire fighters stood on the beach and did nothing. The police thought the fire department would act. The fire department thought the police would act. After hours, a random civilian went into the water and dragged Raymond out.

• There are various factors that are responsible for the bystander effect:

  • Diffusion of Responsibility: Diffusion of responsibility occurs when a duty or task is shared between a group of people instead of only one person. The moral obligation to help does not fall only on one person, but the whole group that is witnessing the emergency. The blame for not helping can be shared instead of resting on only one person. The belief that another bystander in the group will offer help means you may not feel you have to engage.

  • Evaluation Apprehension: This refers to the fear of being judged by others when acting publicly. Individuals may feel afraid of being superseded by a superior helper, offering unwanted assistance, or facing the legal consequences of offering inferior and possibly dangerous assistance.

  • Pluralistic Ignorance: Due to pluralistic ignorance, people are less likely to help others as almost every person is looking for the other person to act first. Pluralistic ignorance basically means when you look around and see no one else is intervening, you think, “Hmm, I must be wrong to think this is an emergency or I must be getting the wrong social cues here because if no one else is reacting then I too should not react.”

  • Confusion of Responsibility: This occurs when a bystander fears that helping could lead others’ to believing that they are the perpetrator. This fear can cause people to not act in dire situations.

Latané and Darley (1970) proposed a five-step decision model of helping, during each of which bystanders can decide to do nothing:

1. Notice the event (or in a hurry and not notice).

2. Interpret the situation as an emergency (or assume that as others are not acting, it is not an emergency).

3. Assume responsibility (or assume that others will do this).

4. Know what to do (or not have the skills necessary to help).

5. Decide to help (or worry about danger, legislation, embarrassment, etc.).

Real Life Examples Of The Bystander Effect

• Honestly, these examples were deeply disturbing. These examples are extremely useful because we like to think, “I would never do that, I would definitely step up and say something” — but studies show, the larger the group, the slower you will be to respond and the less responsible you will feel to act. These examples deal with everything from sexual assault to murder and how these victims were attacked with many bystanders around including teachers, principles, law enforcement, friends and classmates, without receiving any help.

How To Safely Intervene

When I was a little kid my mom would tell me over and over that if I was in danger I needed to drop all of my belongings (my backpack, my books, my toys) and run for safety. Practicing this prepared me to understand that if I was being chased or abducted or trying to flee an unsafe environment, the weight of my heavy backpack might slow me down. In the same way, we must prime ourselves to understand that if we see someone in danger, we are expectant and prepared to take action.

Before stepping in, try the ABC approach:

• Assess for safety: If you see someone in trouble, ask yourself if you can help safely in any way. Remember, your personal safety is a priority – never put yourself at risk.

• Be in a group: It’s safer to call out behaviour or intervene in a group. If this is not an option, report it to others who can act.

• Care for the victim:Talk to the person who you think may need help. Ask them if they are OK.

When it comes to intervening safely, remember the four Ds – direct, distract, delegate, delay. These don’t have to be done in any specific order so consider what might be best in the situation!

Watch this three minute video on the four Ds

• Direct action: This is the most direct and risky interaction. Call out negative behaviour, tell the person to stop or ask the victim if they are OK. Do this as a group if you can. Be polite. Don’t aggravate the situation - remain calm and state why something has offended you. Stick to exactly what has happened, don’t exaggerate.

• Distract: Interrupt, start a conversation with the perpetrator to allow their potential target to move away or have friends intervene. Or come up with an idea to get the victim out of the situation – tell them they need to take a call, or you need to speak to them; any excuse to get them away to safety. Alternatively, try distracting, or redirecting the situation.

• Delegate: If you are too embarrassed or shy to speak out, or you don’t feel safe to do so, get someone else to step in. Any decent venue has a zero tolerance policy on harassment, so the staff there will act. Remember, calling the authorities might not be the best option. Marginalized communities like communities of color and trans communities might not feel safer with law enforcement present.

• Delay: If the situation is too dangerous to challenge then and there (such as there is the threat of violence or you are outnumbered) just walk away. Wait for the situation to pass then ask the victim later if they are OK. Or report it when it’s safe to do so – it’s never too late to act.

Intervening in a potential life or death situation can be terrifying. It can also be disturbingly calm, imagining nothing is wrong because everyone else is acting like nothing is wrong. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally to intervene in a way that is safe, non violent, and thoughtful. Don’t follow the crowd. Be the one that wakes up the group and urges them that there is danger. As always, live life with purpose. “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, we are the change we seek.” See ya next time!

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, we are the change we seek” — With love and light, Taylor Rae

How to Become an Activist

Hi Friends!
Welcome to Issue 39 of this newsletter! This week’s topic is How to Become an Activist. The last time I sent out a poll for upcoming newsletters, this was one of the most requested topic and I’m excited to jump into it today. Activism is defined as a political ideology. Activism consists of efforts to promote, impede, direct, or intervene in social, political, economic, or environmental reform with the desire to make changes in society toward a perceived greater good. An activist is someone who advocates for or practices activism. Sometimes we have a perception that one can only be an activist if they are raising a lot of money for a cause, or giving a speech at a rally, or (in today’s world) have hundreds of thousands of instagram followers who re-share their infographics. The truth is, anyone can be an activist in their daily life but it takes more than being a slacktavist on social media, it takes time, patience, and mental and emotional strength to stand up for justice. Let’s get into it!

Key Terms

Activist: an activist is someone who works to support a cause. One who is politically active in the role of a citizen; especially, one who campaigns for change. A proponent or practitioner of activism.

Activism: activism is the use of direct action to achieve an end, either for or against an issue. The use of direct, often confrontational action, such as a demonstration or strike, in opposition to or support of a cause. The doctrine or policy of taking positive, direct action to achieve an end, esp. a political or social end.

Social Justice: Social justice examines the distribution of wealth, privileges, and opportunity within a society and involves fighting oppression such as ableism, ageism, classism, racism, sexism and oppression of those who are members of the LGBTQIA+ community, are from different countries, or are religious.

Racial Justice: Racial justice is the systematic fair treatment of people of all races, resulting in equitable opportunities and outcomes for all. Racial justice initiatives address structural and systemic changes to ensure equal access to opportunities, eliminate disparities, and advance racial equity—thus ensuring that all people, regardless of their race, can prosper and reach their full potential. Racial justice and equity is not achieved by the mere absence of racial discrimination or the perceived absence of harmful racial bias, but rather through deliberate action to dismantle problematic and build positively transformational systems – action must be carried through with the conviction, commitment and dedication of advocates.

Climate Justice: “Climate justice” is a term, and more than that a movement, that acknowledges climate change can have differing social, economic, public health, and other adverse impacts on underprivileged populations. Climate justice begins with recognizing key groups are differently affected by climate change. Climate impacts can exacerbate inequitable social conditions.

Keyboard Warrior: A person who posts highly opinionated text and images online in an aggressive or abusive manner, often without revealing his or her own identity.

Slacktivism: The United Nations has defined slacktivism as when people “support a cause by performing simple measures” but “are not truly engaged or devoted to making a change.” Slacktivism typically means taking to social media. It encompasses things like retweeting words of hope after a national disaster or liking a charity’s Facebook page—as the study implies. However, it can also include non-digital actions like wearing a ribbon on your shirt to bring awareness.

Let’s Get Into It

There’s no one path to becoming more active in your community, whether it’s politics, climate change, gender inequality, LGBTQ+ rights, prison reform, racial justice or any other area. In my own personal experience, I was hesitant to call myself an activist as I sat on my sofa re-posting infographics, then as I researched and wrote my own, and still as I started becoming an anti-racism educator. In hindsight, I realize I didn’t need to do something specific to finally earn the title activist, nor is it crucial to my identity or my work to have a title. Below are some ways I have gotten more active, uncomfortable, effective and impactful in my work over the last two years:

Take A Look Inside

Before we can go out and change the world, we have to take a peek inside of those dark, dusty corners of our hearts and minds and figure out what is important to us and why, while also asking ourselves a few questions. What are my implicit biases? How have I perpetuated systemic racism, homophobias, sexism, gentrification and more? Who am I and who do I want to be? You definitely don’t have to be perfect (who is?) but having those honest inward conversations will only make you more relatable, honest and empathetic as you start trying to reach others.

Do The Work

It means what it sounds like. Work. Don’t just read one book, read many and read them consistently. Talk to people who are close to you and talk to strangers at book clubs and workshops and seminars. Learn about what you are passionate about. Why do you think I write this newsletter every single week? I have taught myself so many anti-racism related topics week in and week out because I can’t expect to motivate and educate without continuing to learn myself in a consistent and disciplined way.

Use Your Voice

Whether you’re introverted or extroverted, a strong public speaker or a great writer, the host of a podcast or the curator of an Instagram account followed by 200 friends, use whatever platform you have and use your voice. The first time you challenge the status quo or proudly claim your truth, it will be scary. It will not be glamorous and it will not always feel triumphant. Sometimes it feels like an anxious uncertainty or a whisper of regret, because being comfortable is always easier. But it is not about being comfortable, it is about being a changemaker in your community.

Start Today

It will start out messy. My first newsletter was a hot mess. My first IG live conversation I was so quiet and monotone, trying to hide the quiver in my voice. My first podcast I was shivering with nerves. But start. Start and be afraid. Start and be uncertain. Start and make mistakes. But start and do it now. When Kira West and I started ACTIV-ISM, our anti-racism wellness company, we had a text thread, a zoom call, and a blurry vision, and yet 60 people followed us through that first month long program and all 60 found community, understanding and a sense of purpose simply because we were present, vulnerable, and ready to make mistakes. Start today, you won’t regret it.

When we are behind our phone screens sharing infographics that we barely skim, tapping auto-populated information into digital petitions, and arguing in the comments section of a Facebook post, it definitely feels like we are doing something. It feels stressful, and chaotic and oddly satisfying, but does it make for real change? How much more work would it take for you to find a local non profit and start volunteering? How much more challenging would it be to call a family meeting and dive into a conversation with your parents and siblings? Virtual movements filled with hashtags and petitions are absolutely useful and there will always be folks ready to take up that mantle, but there aren’t many willing to do the work in real life. Are you?

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, we are the change we seek” — With love and light, Taylor Rae

Incorporating Racial Justice Into Your Everyday Life

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change we seek.”

— Barack Obama

Hi Friends!
Welcome to Issue 26 of this newsletter! Today’s topic is Incorporating Racial Justice Into Your Everyday Life. Last week I sent out a survey and this was by far the most requested topic, with 79.5% of folks wanting to learn more about it. When I first wrote my newsletter on Allyship ten months ago (wow time flies!), I had a good idea of what I wanted to see my friends, coworkers and community doing to step up and fight for equality. Now, after almost a year of weekly newsletters, a growing community and the creation of ACTIV-ISM (alongside my friend Kira West)—I have a greater understanding of what it really takes to do something with real world impact every single day. Let’s get into it!

Key Terms

Allyship: an active, consistent, and arduous practice of unlearning and re-evaluating, in which a person in a position of privilege and power seeks to operate in solidarity with a marginalized group. Read my blog post on allyship here.

Toxic Positivity: Positivity becomes toxic when it is implied that we should always look on the bright side at all times and not allow ourselves to feel difficult emotions. The downside of positivity culture is that it can vilify the normal range of human emotional experience. Toxic positivity undermines the pain of others. Example: We are all one human race, I don’t see color. Let’s focus on the positives instead of always talking about oppression.

Tone Policing: Tone policing is a diversionary tactic used when a person purposely turns away from the message behind another’s argument in order to focus solely on the delivery of it.

Emotional Labor: When a person must constantly manage their emotions—either by suppressing them, showing them, or redefining them— in order to sustain the outward countenance that produces the proper state of mind in others.

Intersectionality: Intersectionality is a framework for conceptualizing a person, group of people, or social problem as affected by a number of discriminations and disadvantages. It takes into account people’s overlapping identities and experiences in order to understand the complexity of prejudices they face.

Tokenism: The practice of doing something (such as hiring a person who belongs to a marginalized group) only to prevent criticism and give the appearance that people are being treated fairly.

Let’s Get Into It

Some folks wonder what constitutes doing “enough.” They become so consumed with a desire to do more and the overwhelming feeling that they cannot measure up. Eventually, they just stop trying all together because it seems like too much. The term “allyship fatigue” describes this feeling when it comes to racial justice. And while I cannot decide to be tired of racism and just stop caring, white folks can.

How do we combat this? Well, we have to see racial justice work not like a new hobby that you can forget about, like knitting or painting—but like a lifelong practice, like your health. We try new supplements, new workouts, better activewear, new sneakers, physical therapy, foam rolling, mindfulness and meditation practices, mental health services, and so much more to better our health throughout our lives. It’s not something we forget about because every single day we eat, sleep, move and live, which effects our bodies.

So, how do we make racial justice as ingrained in our lives as our daily probiotics or green juice?

Make a Plan

• Actually read this newsletter every week! I love that you’ve signed up and I know you’re reading it right now, but it takes commitment and accountability.

• Sign up for EJI”s A History of Racial Injustice daily or monthly email. I read these every single day. They are impactful and important.

• Join a group like ACTIV-ISM where you have community to hold you accountable and guidance through a set curriculum.

• Get a guided journal like this one that accompanies the book Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad. Make a schedule of when you’re going to sit down and engage with the book and journal. Make it realistic. This might be one page every morning with your coffee. Something doable and actionable.

• Set up instagram notifications for Anti-Racism Daily on Instagram and easily learn one thing every morning.

• Listen to a podcast like For Your DisComfort, hosted by my friend Bryce Michael Wood. Spend 10 minutes a day listening to this on your headphones while you make your bed. Play it in the car. Actually go take those daily walks you keep talking about and bring these conversations with you.

You find time every single day to check your email or scroll on Instagram or film a TikTok, so let’s be really real for a minute, you have ten minutes to learn that on this day, April 2, in 1933 a Black man was lynched in Mississippi and not a single person out of a 17 person mob was convicted. You have time to sit with that and think: just 88 years ago, this happened. You have time.

Find a Support System

• Does your partner care about racial justice? What about your kids? Your parents? First off — if they don’t you need to step up and start talking about it. Instead of arguing with strangers on Facebook and cursing strangers on the news, look across your dinner table and actually talk to the people you live with.

• When you find a few folks (or even just one) that have the same goals as you — to learn more about racism, unlearn the delusion of white supremacy and create actionable change — choose any of the above plans and hold each other accountable.

• Use this opportunity to let down your walls, and admit it when you shrug off your plan and decided to watch Netflix instead. Be honest with your circle. Practice letting go of defensiveness. Reflect, and move on. No need to fester in guilt or shame because it serves no one. Just face it, get back to a plan, and get to work.

Ask Yourself the Tough Questions

• Why are you passionate about creating an equal world for all folks, regardless of race, gender identity, sexual preference, socioeconomic status, disability, weight, age, education or criminal record?

• What stereotypes and implicit biases do you have? What are the dark things in the corners of your mind and your heart and how can you bring them out into the light? If you finished this sentence, what might it reveal: I accept _____ people, but I would never want my child/partner/friend to be ______.

• What is your WHY? What is the reason that you’ve started on this journey and the reason that will keep you going?

I started this newsletter because I needed more information, more statistics, more language, more resources to effectively express and understand my rage, trauma and anguish. Whatever your reason for being here, either as an ally or a marginalized person, an activist or an advocate, someone just starting to unpack their priviledge or someone who has been doing the work for years — there is always something more to be done. If not you, who will do it? If not now, when will you start? We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change we seek.

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, we are the change we seek” — With love and light, Taylor Rae

How To Be A Good Ally

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

— Martin Luther King, Jr

Hello Friends!
Welcome to Issue 4 of this newsletter! This week’s topic is How to Be a Good Ally. I was inspired to create this newsletter after having some really great talks this week with some friends, colleagues, and businesses who simply messed up and wanted to do better as an advocate for Black lives. We’ll be going over some key terms to know, my personal tips on allyship, and some solid resources, because it ain’t a trend, honey. 

Key Terms

Allyship: an active, consistent, and arduous practice of unlearning and re-evaluating, in which a person in a position of privilege and power seeks to operate in solidarity with a marginalized group.

Emotional Labor: When a person must constantly manage their emotions—either by suppressing them, showing them, or redefining them— in order to sustain the outward countenance that produces the proper state of mind in others. 

Implicit Bias: We use the term “implicit bias” to describe when we have attitudes towards people or associate stereotypes with them without our conscious knowledge.

Tone Policing: Tone policing describes a diversionary tactic used when a person purposely turns away from the message behind her interlocutor’s argument in order to focus solely on the delivery of it.

Systemic Racism: "Individual" racism is not  created in a vacuum but instead emerges from a society's foundational  beliefs and "ways" of seeing/doing things, and is manifested in organizations, institutions, and systems (including education).

White Fragility: discomfort and defensiveness on the part of a white person when confronted by information about racial inequality and injustice.

Let’s Get Into It

Being a good ally is not necessarily easy, simple or painless. It requires a great amount of soul-searching and self-reflection, and can often feel like you are taking apart your own ego. It’s not glamorous. These are some of my thoughts on being a good ally:

1. Believe People 

When a marginalized person tells you about their personal experiences, believe them. Validate their humanity. If the first thing you want to respond with is “Why?” Or “I don’t understand how that’s true.” — you’re assuming a few things. The first, that you have the choice to believe their real lived experience and even have the right to say “no”. The second, that you hold the power and have the final say in if their experience gets the respect and understanding it demands. If you do not have any experience or knowledge on what they are sharing, know that you are blessed with the resource of GOOGLE which can enlighten you further without causing that individual the added emotional labour of having to explain things that you can learn with the tap of your phone. 

2. Continue To Learn

Setup a schedule and hold yourself accountable so you remember to read that book every week, listen to that podcast as each new episode releases, or watch those documentaries, like you said you would. Subscribe to newsletters that come to your inbox every week. Continue to have conversations and engage with people in a respectful and humble way.

3. Be Willing To Make Mistakes

Silence isn’t a solution. Be willing to put yourself out there and make a mistake. Know that they will happen. Some will be glad to hear you say, “I was wrong, these are some examples of how I am now going to do better.” Some won’t be interested in staying around to see how you rectify those mistakes, and that’s their choice, which is also worthy of respect. 

4. Don’t Tell Marginalized People How To Express Themselves

Tone policing (defined above) is toxic. It’s inappropriate to tell someone how to verbalize their grief, trauma, anger, or any other emotion they might be experiencing. “When you debate a person about something that affects them more than it affects you, remember it will take a much greater emotional toll on them…For you it may feel like an academic exercise, for them it feels like retelling their pain only to have you dismiss their experience and sometimes their humanity. The fact that you might remain more calm under these circumstances is a consequence of your privilege, not increased objectivity on your part.”(Jean Elie)

Resources

• Learning and un-learning is a lifelong journey. There are many complex topics to explore. Below are some simple, digestible introductions to massive, complicated and fundamental concepts. I cannot stress enough that these graphics barely scratch the surface and require careful research and reflection.

• Toxic positivity

• Cancel culture

• Microaggressions

• How to listen better

• Covert forms of white supremecy

• Support: ACLU

• Support: Equal Justice Initiative

Next week we are focusing on COVID and it’s effects on the BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) Community. Let’s learn more about why nearly 23% of reported COVID-19 deaths in the US are African-Americans as of May 20, 2020, even though black people only make up roughly 13% of the US population. See you there!

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, we are the change we seek” — With love and light, Taylor Rae