S1 E5: Experiencing a Miscarriage, Being Vulnerable on Social Media and Evolving as a Performer and Entrepreneur with Aubre Winters
In this episode, I speak with Aubre Winters @aubrewinters, a Chicago-based trainer, entrepreneur and founder of Sweat Sessions about her vulnerability on social media.
Summary
In this episode of “On the Outside” Taylor Rae interviews Aubre Winters, a fitness entrepreneur from Chicago, about her path from dancing to establishing her fitness method, "Sweat Sessions". Winters, who initially faced rejection from the University of Arizona's dance program, later earned a BFA in performing arts. After moving to LA, her dance career evolved into a fitness one. Since launching her fitness method online in 2020, Winters' work has been featured in Forbes, Pop Sugar, and Shape magazine. She also openly discusses her personal experiences with pregnancy and miscarriage, and how she is currently expecting.
Key Moments
Introduction (00:00:06 - 00:01:25)
In this episode of "On the Outside," host Taylor Rae interviews Aubre Winters, a guest based in Chicago who Taylor met in New York towards the end of 2023. The host describes the conversation as heartfelt and appreciates when guests discuss potentially uncomfortable topics. Some parts of their conversation are available in clips on Instagram. Further details about the content of the episode or Aubre's featured class are deferred to the main episode discussion.Meet Aubre Winters, Dance and Fitness, Entrepreneurship, Maternal health (00:01:25 - 00:05:21)
In the conversation, Aubre Winters discusses her journey from becoming a dancer to a fitness entrepreneur. Winters hails from Kansas but resides in Chicago, and her love for movement started at a young age. She studied dance at the University of Arizona, earning a BFA in performing arts. Post-university, she moved to LA for a dance career that led her to fitness. In 2019, Winters created her fitness method named "Sweat Sessions" and took the business online in 2020, significantly expanding her community. Aubre's work has been featured in notable publications like Forbes, Pop Sugar, and Shape magazine. The conversation also includes Aubre's mission for her community to feel empowered and strong and her personal experiences with pregnancy and miscarriage. Aubre recently announced that she is expecting. The discussion starts with her expressing feeling like an "outsider" during her university years, where despite her dance prowess, she initially did not get accepted into the University's dance program and had to re-audition to gain entry.Aubre Talks About Her Career, Life and Miscarriage (00:30:21 - 00:40:25)
Aubre Winters, an entrepreneur and fitness instructor who began her career as a dancer, has launched a fitness brand, Sweat Sessions. Despite facing challenges, including rejection in the dance industry and judgment while running her business, Aubre emphasizes authenticity and resilience. She shares her personal experience of miscarriage to support open conversations on sensitive topics and to encourage understanding and healing. Aubre, currently 20 weeks pregnant, is looking forward to her role as a mother. The speaker recommends following Aubre on Instagram and urges listeners to explore more on their website.
Transcription
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Hello and welcome back to the show. My name is Taylor Rae and this is another episode of “On the Outside”. Hello. Hello, today I am speaking with Aubre winters while Aubre lives in Chicago. She was in New York a few months ago and I'm so excited. We got to meet up in person IRL to have this conversation. That also means I have some clips of our chat on the on the outside social.
So you can see that on Instagram and get the full feeling of how our conversation was. I met Aubre earlier, I guess not even this year, right? Because it's 2024. So I met her at the end of 2023 and I thought she was so incredible. I thought her class was amazing. I'm not going to get into it too much now because we do talk about that in the episode as always with honestly, every conversation that I've had, it is very vulnerable.
It is very heartfelt and I'm always eternally grateful for everyone that comes on this podcast and really just talks about the things that we might not always feel comfortable talking about. So with that being said, let's get it going in today's episode. I talk with Aubre Winters. Aubre is originally from Kansas, but based in Chicago, her love for movement has been embedded in her from a very young age.
She studied dance at the University of Arizona where she got her B fa in performing arts. After college, she moved to L A to pursue a career in dance, which ultimately led her to fitness. And 2019, she started her own fitness method called Sweat Sessions. Taking the business online in 2020 growing her community from a few 100 into the thousands.
She's been featured in publications such as Forbes, Pop Sugar and Shape magazine. Her true passion for movement is rooted in making her community feel empowered and strong, both on and off the mat. In today's episode, we talk about Aubre’s dance and fitness career evolving as an entrepreneur and her experience sharing her miscarriage on social media.
I also took the opportunity to share more about maternal health in the United States as Aubre shared her experience with pregnancy. I'm also thrilled to share that Aubre has since announced on social that she is expecting and I am so happy for her. Let's start it out by hearing about a time when Aubre felt like she was an outsider.
Aubre Winters
I think that like the biggest thing that stands out for me is honestly college. So when I this also like the is like that thread that runs through so many of the things through my dance career and like even in the fitness industry and being on social and like some of those insecurities and things that pop up for me. But I graduated high school and my senior year went through the audition process, obviously for the dance program at University of Arizona.
And I was always like the best dancer in high school. I was always had the leads that in all of our shows at the dance studio. I was always like front and center for dance team choreographer, Captain all of those things. And again, considered myself a really like strong well rounded dancer and thought there is no fucking way that I won't get into this dance program at U of A.
Well, I went my senior year for the dance program and I had already got accepted to U of A and it was like, in my mind already, I'm like, I'm in the dance program and I'm in, I'm in Alpha Phi like I see it all. But I didn't get into the dance program initially. And so essentially, and I was like, my mom was like, why don't you try out for the dance team at U of A?
I'm like, no, like I wanna be in the dance program, modern ballet, jazz. Like that's what I'm doing. I don't want to be like dance team vibes anymore. Like I need to, you know, this is like what I want. So I essentially had to like go to college not being in the program and re audition for a semester to then join second semester as a dance major. So first semester I was in like the dance classes that all the majors were in.
But like, I was the girl who was not the major. I was just the girl trying to get into the program with all these people who had already gotten accepted. So I think that was like the first moment where I really felt not good enough. And again, it wasn't this thing where I like showed up to class being like rooted in my talents.
It was like, I showed up already feeling like I didn't get into this program. All these people know I'm not in the program because I'm not in all the regular classes with them that they're in first semester. And yeah, I felt like a major outsider because of it. I auditioned again, I got in, it was all good.
Aubre Winters, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
You know, the, the dream came through, let's get into our conversation.
Aubre Winters
Hi people. What's up? I'm Aubre Winters and I am an entrepreneur, fitness instructor. And I like to say so much more because I feel like I'm a little bit of everything kind of all in one. But essentially I was a dancer my whole life, which is really how I, I guess found this deep passion for movement it's always been a part of me since a very young age.
And I, yeah, I just always used movement as an outlet to express myself and to connect with myself even when I didn't know that I was doing that. so dance was a really powerful tool for me my entire life. And, I found fitness ultimately through, I guess now, looking back, I wouldn't necessarily say a failed dance career. But I think in the moment, I definitely thought like, oh, wow, this isn't going the way that I expected it to which I'm sure we'll kind of get into.
But I essentially was transitioning and just needed something to like fuel that fire inside of me again. And that's when fitness kind of fell into my lap. And so that was probably like 2015, 16 ish where I started taking it pretty seriously and there's lots of roller coasters in between. But yeah, now I run my own fitness app. My brand is called Sweat Sessions.
I have my online platform where I can connect with my community all over the world. And I think the thing that really fuels me the most with movement and my, why is I love making my community feel empowered off the mat. I think that it's so important that when we show up to the mat, we take note of like how hard it is to show up, how much effort it takes, how much we have to get the fuck out of our own way.
And it's like when we really do ship to and that we move our body and we breathe and we connect and we're intentional how much power can come through us. And I love saying, you know, take that energy with you into your day and, and all these micro moments where your day might get really fucking tough. You might have a hard conversation, something doesn't go your way.
You have a moment where you're anxious or you're filled with stress or whatever. It's like use that moment on your mat, reflect, remember how you felt and really use that inner strength that you built to let it kind of transpire in all other areas.
Aubre Winters, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
So that's my why and why I just fucking love what I do, as I mentioned earlier, I can personally attest to how great Aubre’s classes are.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I took one when she was visiting New York a few months ago and it was truly incredible. So the first time I met you was taking your class only a couple months ago and I had to come up to you after because truly, like, I've been an instructor, I've taught at a bunch of different studios.
I've taken probably hundreds if not thousands of classes and it stuck out to me like so much how incredible your class was. What makes Aubre’s class so special? Is that why that you talked about earlier? And how it really shines through.
Aubre Winters
It means a lot to me. And I think that like, and you probably know from your path too. It's like when you find that thing that just lights you up when you've been through so many different stages and you've put yourself out there and you felt like you failed to find something that you so deeply connect with and you feel just so authentic in being yourself, expressing yourself, showing who you are.
Like, it just, I don't know, there's nothing like it, it's like finding your true purpose. Absolutely. It just, it means so much to me to be able to do this work. It's like people take my class and I'm like, no, like, seriously fucking thank you. Like, thank you for being here.
Aubre Winters, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Like, it's just my pleasure because I just love it so much in a few of the past episodes, I've talked about purpose and how special it is to be able to live in your purpose, to feel like your life has real meaning.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
And then it makes a positive impact on the world around you. Of course, I had to reference my mom for the millionth time on the show to get into it a little more. So my mom, she always makes a distinction to me of like your job and your work and she's like a job is something that you may need to do to support yourself, to make a living because it's your specific, you know, path at this moment.
It's what you have available to you. But your work, whether you're getting paid for it or not is like, what gives your life purpose. And for me, she's like, your job is your work. Like all the things you do, you get to feel so fulfilled. Like after the longest day ever, I'm like, oh my gosh. I feel amazing because look at, look at what I got to do today and I think it's pretty rare that you actually meet people, talk to someone that feels that way.
So love that for you, love it for us. But before Aubre found her purpose doing what she loves and does. Now she had a similar trajectory to mine in that being a performer brought her to the fitness world. I want to go back a little bit and talk about your dance career. You talked about how at the moment it felt like, you know, maybe a failure. But yeah, what was that like? And what was, what were those moments like?
Aubre Winters
Yeah. So I always, I guess like my bread and butter with dance was like the I was a really well rounded dancer. So I didn't really fit into one box. I wasn't, I didn't have like the perfect ideal ballerina body. I had a really strong muscular, you know, tone and body and so a lot of powerful movements and I really resonated with like jazz but I could show up and do good in ballet.
And it was kind of this like, I'm just a well rounded dancer. I felt like that was kind of my bread and butter in a sense. And you know, spent my entire life dedicated to the craft. So all of elementary school going to classes every single day after school and all of high school and then I went to college at the University of Arizona and decided that I wanted to be able to pursue dance.
There they had one of the best dance programs in the country at the time. And they also had Greek life, which I really wanted to be a part of. So it was kind of the in my mind the perfect fit. after college, after going through the dance program, I moved to Los Angeles and pursued dance professionally, signed with an agency and kind of threw myself into the L A scene.
And I think that like some of the first moments where I just started to lose myself in it and started to lose that like feeling of just my, why, why I danced, why it felt so good? Why I always showed up what, you know, the joy that I had in, it was really in college. And I started to notice like sides of myself trying to fit myself into these boxes.
Aubre Winters, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
And I especially felt it moving to L A and going through the audition kind of scene there for anyone who doesn't know which you might not if you're not a performer yourself as a performer, auditioning is what you honestly spend most of your time doing, not performing as an actor myself.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I would get an email maybe 24 hours, but sometimes, maybe only a few hours before an audition. If it was for a big role, maybe I'd get five days notice, whatever plans or scheduled work shifts you had had to be rearranged because you don't get to choose when you audition, you're given a time slot and you're told that that is the only opportunity you have to be seen after you audition. You're never notified about when the part is filled and you're never given any feedback.
So months after auditioning for something you could still get called back in or even told that you booked the role. But you never really know for my friends who aren't performers. Some of these elements seem shocking, but for those of us who grew up doing it, it seems kind of like this unrelenting game of hurry up and wait, feeling like your life is on hold until you book the part.
Aubre Winters, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Auditions are rough, so brutal.
Aubre Winters
Like I honestly, I'm like getting like worked up thinking about it, having this like visceral response to it because it just, it really scarred me. I feel that and I think that essentially kind of how it unfolded was like, I would go to classes every single week and I'd feel really confident in my classes. But then I would go to these auditions, like, you know, I've auditioned for pretty much every big name in the music industry, different award shows, movies.
And I would get so attached to the outcome to the name, to the like vision. I remember going to the Rihanna Tour right out or Rihanna Tour audition right after we found love came out. And that was like, oh, I felt that so my bones and I watched that music video. I was like, oh my God, I'm her backup dancer for this. Like, I have to be in this like on this tour.
And I remember going to the audition and I'm just up against like so many other women of, you know, like all shapes sizes styles. And I just would like, I would like pick out all the 57 blondes in the room. And I just, that's where it started. It was like this toxic, just comparison that I would do. And I would start to like, just get so nervous. And then when I'd go out to perform the combo, I would absolutely lose myself because I was again thinking like, oh, they're going to probably
hire 157 to 5, 10 blonde and they're going to need that token girl and I want to be it. But then all I could see was all those other women and putting myself up against them and then tearing myself down in the process. So, essentially, it was just like a few, I would say, 3 to 4 years of this and, you know, living in L A, I'm working 1000 side jobs and I'm not making a lot of money and my parents are still supporting me for, you know, this dream that I have and I just started to kind of get real with
myself. And I'm like, none of this feels good. Like I was booking a couple jobs here and there. I had some things that like I felt excited about but nothing that was like the big vision, like nothing that was really coming through that like I had always dreamed of and I think it just really took a toll on my self esteem, my confidence, my worth.
And then, you know, in, in turn, I'm comparing myself to all my friends who graduated college and had these full time jobs. And I'm like, oh, I'm just like this frivolous girl, like running around Hollywood, like trying to make my dreams come true.
Aubre Winters, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Like I just felt, I don't know, I just felt really like empty Aubre and I were auditioning for very different projects.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Her as a dancer, primarily me as an actor, primarily on literally complete opposite sides of the country. So while we share a lot of similarities in our experiences, of course, we also have some differences.
Aubre Winters, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Did you have that experience where you thought like everything is going to come together when I book that role for me?
Aubre Winters
Yes. But I think it was more about self, it was more about acceptance. It was more like when I book that role, people will think more of me when I have this lifestyle and I'm on that tour and I'm making that money and they see me on TV, they'll accept me more.
Aubre Winters, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I'll be more seen emotional for me experiences with race and racism also deeply impacted my time as a performer.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
One example is being told repeatedly by my then agent not to get braids because it would limit me and casting wouldn't be able to think of me without braids. Even though we see time and time again, actors cut their hair, wear wigs, dye their hair, different colors. And that doesn't really seem to impact their ability to do their job, which is acting when I would book the role when I would finally get the part and be on set.
Oftentimes the hairdresser wouldn't know how to do my hair, they wouldn't know how to use extensions or work with my hair texture. And many times I did my own hair on set. Of course, without compensation. The last role that I played for a major TV network, I had braids on when I went in for the part and they told me to keep them when we needed to do reshoots.
And when my character was supposed to appear on future episodes, they refused to reimburse me or to have someone on set to braid my hair. So I ended up paying out of pocket this along with many other things led me to decide that acting was just not for me being a performer is so vulnerable. It was so traumatizing.
Aubre Winters
It is because you really put, you put so much of who you are into it. And I think that that was also, it's something that I still, I think struggle with a little bit now is like, not like not worrying so much about being my vulnerable self and what people are gonna think, but just like allowing it to like, I don't know if that makes sense but kind of like come through.
But it's hard when it's your job and it's hard when you know, you're showing who you are through your job and there's no like separation and I've experienced that with both like dance, which I think is why I wanted to be so successful doing it because it was my body and my personality and you know, you'd see sides of me come through and I wanted to express that.
And then it's kind of the same with like, you know, having a platform and being the face of my own fitness brand. And I show so much of who I am through my teaching and what I believe in through my teaching style and my coaching. And so yeah, it is really fucking vulnerable. Yeah.
Aubre Winters, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
And it's really hard, Aubre and I also discussed our experiences on social media.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
What does it feel like when tens of thousands or in Aubre’s case, hundreds of thousands of people are engaging with and responding to your content. For me how it manifests is, I'll share something and then I'll be like regret and immediately delete it and be like freaking out. So how, yeah, how do you even if you're still figuring it out, I think we all are always figuring it out.
But how do you deal with showing up on social media and sharing that vulnerability and being the face of your own brand? So in a sense, you don't really have that much of a choice about showing up on social media sometimes it's like how you make your career.
Aubre Winters
Yeah, I think it's definitely been a learning curve for me. I mean, as, as, as anything is I felt like, you know, a few years ago, I used to be really open. I used to share so much and then I would get those feelings of like anytime someone would disagree with me or message me and say, I don't think that, you know, it was appropriate that you shared that which, you know, people are bold like they will say whatever and because I necessarily wasn't really grounded in just my body and who I was
at the time, like it was almost like a hit. Anytime someone would say something, I would get a little more quiet, I would kind of close myself off a little bit more. And then I was always like, second guessing, should I say that? Should I post this? Should I not? And honestly, you just, I realized I was kind of going to war with myself every single day.
So there have been moments in the last two years where I feel like I've been a little bit more closed off and that isn't me at all. And through a lot of like therapy, I'm really coming back to my voice and how I want to share and how I want to show up and being really confident in just knowing that like, I trust myself and if I feel that this is an appropriate time for me to share this or say this, like, I'll fucking do it because this is like, it's me.
And at the end of the day, this is why this is why we all show up, we share who we are. And it's a part of, I guess having a platform and using your voice and you know, building community too. It's like you find those people who gravitate to your message and who want, who are there to hear what you have to say.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Mental health resources like therapy are also very important to both Aubre and I, she shared a tool that she's been using recently that I loved.
Aubre Winters
One thing that I've been really using as a tool recently is like, because I still have moments where I'll say something and I'm like, oh fuck I over share it. I shouldn't have said that or that captions like too open, like I need to go back and reword it. But then I kind of catch myself and my therapist has been working with me on this. It's like, what does your wisdom tell you about this feeling that you're having right now?
It's like if I'm having a feeling where I over shared or I'm really starting to feel like I have to close off or I said too much. It's like catching myself and being aware in that moment and really asking myself like, what does my wisdom tell me about this feeling that I'm having? My wisdom tells me that this is an anxious feeling. It's coming up from past situations that made me feel like I couldn't use my voice or being judged or whatever.
And my wisdom tells me that like it's a good thing to use my voice that it's good to stand in who I am and to show the world in a sense who I am and that the right people will come from that. So that's like kind of my new little thing that I love that because it just helps me get through it and it helps me not feel so anxious around showing up.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I asked Aubre what other tools she uses to be vulnerable, especially in public.
Aubre Winters
In one moment I talked about this on my stories last week. But it's like in one moment you're really rooted in like what you're saying, you're showing up, you're doing it, you're, you're using your voice, whatever. And then in the next moment you're doing a fucking 180 you're in this lane where you're like, I shouldn't have said that. I regret what I said.
That's not who I am. And then it's just that moment where you kind of find the in between and you catch yourself and you can see both really clearly and then you're like, OK, like I'm aware that these, this is all happening at once in my mind. Like, what does my wisdom really tell me about what's going on in these two different sides and just kind of like quickly dissecting it without getting too deep into it?
It's like, OK, side A over here is showing up in her authentic voice show. Side B over here is, you know, past traumas are coming through and blah, blah, blah and then really fusing it together to be like, rooted and yeah, you know why you are feeling that way, but then also like staying true to yourself.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Yeah, it reminds me of this tool that I used to use when I was, when I was in college. My parents got divorced and that was like, really traumatic for me. And I was diagnosed with situational depression. I was on antidepressants. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, which I think I've always had to be honest. I've been anxious from the time I came out of the womb.
But at that time I would make, I would take a piece of paper and on one side, I would write all of the thoughts that were in my mind. And then on the other side, I would write on the top the truth and I'd put like, what the truth was about that situation. So if the thoughts were like, I was talking too much, this is also when I was in theater school. So I was like, really talking about a lot.
And so I'd be like, I was talking too much in class today. I made it really about me. Everyone hated me and it was so embarrassing. And then the other side of it, like the truth was everyone in my class was super supportive. I got amazing feedback. Everyone was very kind. I was loved and I was there with my community. Like that was actually what happened.
And the more my mom calls it like her toolbox, she'll be like, if I tell her I have a feeling she's like, ok, well, what do we have in our toolbox that we could use today for that? Yeah. And I feel like that is a great thing. I'm adding that to my toolbox in July of 2023 Aubre opened up on Instagram with a post that read last Wednesday. I miscarried. Opening up about my experience is a small step in my healing journey. She went on to say today I am left with the question, who am I without this
baby and the vision I had for our life together as a family, I've never felt devastation like this. The daily waves of grief, knock me off my feet over the next few days and weeks, she talked about her experience with posts that read a glimpse into my healing journey or navigating life after my miscarriage has been one of the most challenging, humbling and eye opening experiences or affirmations for healing your body.
Aubre Winters
Well, in a very like straightforward way I feel like because I show up on social every day as a part of my job. And more so, you know, a lot of my gals who are members on my app like, that's like the easiest way for me to connect with everyone, right? And so for me, it's like when I miscarried or when any time anything really like happens and I take a break, sometimes it feels like I'm just putting a fucking sign on the front door of my business being like closed for the unforeseeable future.
And it's not fair and obviously we can send emails so we can do all those things, but it's like, this is just like a broader way of me just letting people know kind of what's happening. And I think it's also something that in a way I semi sign up for like, I, I genuinely like sharing and I genuinely like connecting with my community on all things.
So, not that I felt pressured to share about my miscarriage. I definitely, when it happened, I just kind of ghosted for like three weeks and took off and obviously we're canceling a bunch of classes on the background and I'm not posting my weekly new workouts and there's all that stuff happening. And luckily my husband works with me on our business.
So like he's able to kind of cover what he needs to. But yeah, I think I just got to a point where it felt really freeing for me to open up about it. I was at eight weeks, I started to share with like my friends and family and it kind of goes along with this theme of like, I love to share. I'm an over sharer. It's just I get excited and I just want to let everyone know what's happening, you know, and I think my, my outlook on it was like, if I you know, no matter, no matter what happens, like I will be able to get through it, it's life, you know, like things happen every day and all we can do is just navigate it and get through it. And so I thought to myself, like, what's the harm in sharing early? Like, I'll, I'll let my family know and my friends know and whatnot. And I was gonna wait obviously longer to like, open up to my community about it.
But essentially when I miscarried, I just, yeah, I felt really, really, really alone and obviously my friends were reaching out being like, what's up, babe, how you feeling like, how's everything going or then I wasn't showing up on social and people started that news started to pick up on it. And, you know, so I was kind of opening up there about what I had experienced and it's just such a, like, it's such an intimate thing and, it's traumatic and painful and I just because I wasn't like, really responding to messages or like showing up on social, I just felt isolated. I just felt like, yeah, my family was there for me, Brendan was there for me, but like, I didn't feel it was making me feel further away from myself and obviously, like, you go through it and nothing about you don't recognize anything about yourself. And then on top of that, like, I'm not in my routine, I'm not showing up like I'm not teaching rightfully so, but it just made me feel even more disconnected from myself. And so ultimately, like, when I just kind of felt a little bit more even killed, I guess you could say, because your hormones are really all over the place. I decided to, yeah, just kind of put that first post up and share what I had experienced and what I was going through and it was such a breath of fresh air. Like the second that I put up that slide, it just, I felt more like myself.
I just felt like, I can relax into this a little bit more. I can like it felt, it felt a little more real, but it felt, it felt good for me like to come back to myself into my community. And so you know, from that point forward, it was like kind of a slow burn of getting back into it. But I just decided like, I think that when you go through things like that and obviously showing up on social, everyone's always going to have an opinion about, yeah, I was going to ask how it was received.
Yeah, about, you know, the timing like, oh well, you know, that's why we didn't tell anyone we were pregnant until 15 weeks or whatever. We were like, you know, how are you showing up on social media after you had a miscarriage after my miscarriage? I was blank or whatever. And it's just like at the end of the day, everyone can do whatever the fuck they want and whatever feels true to them.
And so I just like, I'm big on boundaries. So I kind of came back on social and I had, you know, I, I had thousands of D MS and I honestly haven't read a lot of them still because I couldn't take it on in the moment. And I'm kind of seeing them now as people start to message me again and whatever. But I just set like a hard boundary and I was like, hey, like, this is what I'm going through and it's making me feel more like myself showing up right now.
And this is a part of like my healing process is talking about it, getting real with myself, getting real with my community being open about the situation and that it's such a big part of my life and affecting all aspects and areas. And normally I share on all aspects and areas of my life. So I'm going to do the same thing here and I'm gonna do it my own way and that's fine.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Miscarriage is the sudden loss of a pregnancy before the 20th week, about 10 to 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. But the actual number is likely higher. This is because many miscarriages happen early on before people may even realize that they're pregnant. Most people who miscarry go on to have healthy pregnancies after miscarriage. From what I was seeing when you were sharing in the comments I was reading, there seemed to be a lot of support, so much, a lot of positivity, of course, there's always negativity and unsolicited advice, but it also looked like there was a lot of support and love. But also people saying I've been there too and I relate so much to what you're saying because I connect with you, I connect with your content or your classes or just your brand and you sharing about this means so much to me. I think that's, that's so beautiful. That's the good part of all of it.
Aubre Winters
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely like, I think on one side because of what I expressed to you about like, you know, feeling like in the past, there's been moments where you say something and then someone comes forward and they give you that unsolicited advice, they tell you how to live your life or they, you know, so in my mind, I'm kind of already anticipating that kind of thing.
But yeah, I will say overwhelmingly like the support was just, it was unreal and I think when you're in it, like, like for me now, I can kind of take this like bird's eye view at the moment and the way that the community showed up for me. And I can see it as like the beautiful thing that it is. And also knowing that there's so many women who have gone through this, like when I take that bird's eye view, I just kind of see this pool of my community and women and like the amount of people who've
gone through it, lights up the sky like it's really fucking crazy. And when you're in it, it's almost, it almost doesn't make it any easier because it's your body and you're going through something so personal and the stories from other women don't necessarily help in that moment. But now getting through it because I still have my moments. I'm like, damn, like it is really powerful to know that.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Like, I wasn't as alone as I thought that I was in a 2015 study by the American College of Obstetricians and gynecologists respondents to a survey from 49 states that were composed of participants who were both male and female. Most people incorrectly believed that miscarriage is a rare complication of pregnancy with the majority believing that it occurred in 5% or less of all pregnancies. When in reality, it's closer to 10 to 20% of all pregnancies. Here, we also see widespread misconceptions about the causes of miscarriage with almost 80% of participants believing things like lifting heavy objects could lead to a miscarriage of those who had a miscarriage. 37% felt that they had lost a child. 47% felt guilty. 41% reported feeling that they had done something wrong. 41% felt alone and 28% felt ashamed, but that number decreased when individuals were able to identify things like a potential cause of the miscarriage disclosures of miscarriages by public figures also lessened feelings of isolation for 28% of participants in that study. Yeah.
Aubre Winters
So many women go through it and like, I definitely, I was naive to it. Like, when I got pregnant, I did not think that I was going to go through it. I was like, my body is strong. I know my body. I knew I was pregnant from the first freaking day. Don't even get me on the first week I knew on the first day like, you know, and so then to like to go through it, you're asking yourself like, what did my body do wrong? What did I do wrong?
Aubre Winters, Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
And all that stuff comes up while I've never been pregnant.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I do hope to be a mother someday. I worry about the same things that Aubre mentioned, including the potential of having a miscarriage. I worry a lot about the care I will receive as a black woman in America as well. According to the CDC, maternal mortality has been rising in the United States and black women are most at risk. Even though about 84% of pregnancy related deaths are thought to be preventable.
A new United Nations analysis of black women's experiences during pregnancy and childbirth in the Americas has concluded that systemic racism and sexism in medical systems, not genetics or lifestyle choices are the main reasons black women are more likely to experience serious complications or even death. The United States maternal death rates have drawn public concern in recent years.
With the mounting evidence of black women's experiences of discrimination and dismissal in health care settings in the United States, the richest black mothers and their babies are twice as likely to die as the richest white mothers and their babies where I live in New York. Black women are nine times more likely to die from childbirth or pregnancy than white women in New York City.
A far starker disparity than the national one. I would be remiss if I didn't take this opportunity in an episode about pregnancy to raise awareness on this topic. I truly hope that black maternal health like miscarriages will become something that we talk about a lot more.
Aubre Winters
What you were originally saying, like, not a lot of people used to talk about this and now people are opening up about it and then to see all the messages come through from women who are also sharing like I never shared about this. I never opened up about it to anyone. No one knew. It's just, yeah, it's really, it, it hurts to hear that because it's so hard when you're going through it and it's just to not have that support is, is just, I can't even imagine.
So I think that like by sharing it just maybe it'll give people a little bit more confidence to open up to like even just one person or a few people or their close circle or maybe even their social if they felt compelled to do so because it was like crucial in my healing process to do so, it really, really helped.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I think that we can all learn a lot from Aubre’s willingness to be open and vulnerable and candid about her experiences while I was having this conversation with Aubre. And then again, when I was back editing and researching for the episode, I was constantly reminded about the ways in which we have moved forward so much as a society in some areas, but the ways in which we still have so far to go, I had read the New York Times piece that is linked on my website as all of my resources
always are. I had read that piece a few months ago when I was in the car with my husband and we started talking about the ways in which he was going to have to be so prepared and so strong for that moment when we do go into labor someday, when we hopefully do become parents and how he's going to have to advocate for me, how he's going to have to be my voice when I might not be able to advocate for myself as a black woman in New York, where we have the biggest disparities in maternal care.
I know that I am especially considering these specific concerns and challenges and worries as I go into. Hopefully a very amazing and exciting chapter of my life in the next few years. It's really tough to think about the ways that something so beautiful and special can also be a moment that is so filled with worry and concern. As always, I bring you these conversations because I want you to know that you're less alone than you think that you are.
And I want you to know that we do have the ability to make real change when we work together. So, of course, as always, I am so so happy that you're here. I'm also so happy to share that Aubre is 20 weeks pregnant when this episode is coming out and I'm sending her the most beautiful positive and encouraging energy as she becomes a boy mom, you can follow Aubre winters at Aubre winters on Instagram as always a full transcription of the episode along with citations can be found onmy website. And I really encourage you guys to check that out and read more about some of these topics. All of those links are available in the show notes. See you out there.
References
Bardos, Jonah, Daniel Hercz, Jenna Friedenthal, Stacey A. Missmer, and Zev Williams. 2015. “A National Survey on Public Perceptions of Miscarriage.” Obstetrics & Gynecology 125 (6): 1313–20. https://doi.org/10.1097/aog.0000000000000859.
Baumgaertner, Emily, and Farnaz Fassihi. 2023. “Racism and Sexism Underlie Higher Maternal Death Rates for Black Women, U.N. Says.” New York Times, July 12, 2023. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/12/health/maternal-deaths-americas-un.html?searchResultPosition=2.
Goldstein, Joseph. 2024. “Why New York Has Faltered in Making Childbirth Safer for Black Mothers.” New York Times, January 7, 2024. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/07/nyregion/childbirth-maternal-mortality-black-women.html.
Katella, Kathy. 2023. “Maternal Mortality Is on the Rise: 8 Things to Know.” Yale Medicine. May 22, 2023. https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/maternal-mortality-on-the-rise.
Kliff, Sarah, Claire Cain Miller, and Larry Buchanan. 2023. “Childbirth Is Deadlier for Black Families Even When They’re Rich, Expansive Study Finds.” The New York Times, February 12, 2023, sec. The Upshot. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/02/12/upshot/child-maternal-mortality-rich-poor.html?searchResultPosition=10.
Mayo Clinic. 2021. “Miscarriage - Symptoms and Causes.” Mayo Clinic. 2021. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/pregnancy-loss-miscarriage/symptoms-causes/syc-20354298.
———. n.d. “Pregnancy after Miscarriage: Trying Again.” Mayo Clinic. Accessed February 11, 2024. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/pregnancy-after-miscarriage/art-20044134#:~:text=You.
